Duuude, tired.

check out webcomic.

http://www.sswars.com

More tomorrow if I haven't died before then.

BOOYA.

So Saturday I was working with Kirsten in the morning and we were honestly getting our butts kicked from 10 am all the way through till about three pm.
As soon as it hit three we spent the day and afternoon working our ASSES off getting everything clean, prepped and ready for the supper rush, we weren't sure what to expect but damn did we work hard for it.
And low and behold the hard work paid off.
We scored over 90% on our Mystery shop which hit us close to seven PM.

So It brought a little extra smile to my face as Greg was able to see not only was I running the floor for this particular mystery shop but I was the drive thru presenter who was "Sweet" as they put it.
We made our service times, we were friendly and the only thing we lost marks on were the fries were too "Crunchy" as they put it.

So Point for us. And Point for me, take that for a turn around for Greg to see. He was as Jenn put it. "Impressed."

I had forgotten in not being near other people all this time that working at a restuarant is like working in a rumor mill.
Recently the other managers were all too kind to remind me of that.

Rumors circulate faster than I can breath.

And since I came back full time they're circulating about me, and I can't figure out what the fuck I did wrong. IT's like I'm suddenly the enemy and they're damn well out to get me.

So Greg showed up in the store, and low and behold I didn't have anything ready for him to show up. (He's the Big Boss, as he likes to put it.) Technically it wasn't my responsibility, I was off 30mins before he showed up, but I was still stuck in the store trying to clean up and get my cashes counted. I told Sam to call me if she needed help and she never called so I guessed she never needed help.
My fault I should have had a headset on, I would have heard how much they needed help and have been up there faster.

That's twice now he's dropped in on me and I've been in disarray. It's not that I'm trying to be, it's that it truly is hard to work with people who won't listen to you. I asked this kid three times to pull up his pants and not once did he do it. And Moments later there's Greg telling me to tell him the same thing.

Back to the rumors anyway, Apparently I said this and that about someone and it circulated around and then back to me. By this point it was a whole lot like a game of telephone but lacked the element of amusement.
So back to the way it was at Fallowfield, I keep my mouth shut.

Bah. What the hell happened... and why did I forget what I'm supposed to do.

I've spent a good three hours so far just fixing things. Around Wednesday my computer restarted itself and wouldn't get past the Windows XP screen leaving me to believe that it might be toast. It'd constantly just hang on the screen and eventually turn off my mouse and keyboard.
I could get the computer to boot up in safe mode but I couldn't for the life of me get it to boot in any other way. Not from the Last Configuration (Good Configuration) and not from doing a one of those Restore Points.
Frustrated, I used my laptop to google out some solutions. One website gave me this very lengthy and detailed method of using Dos to reset the computer. Low and Behold it worked.
I'm now in! Woo hoo!

Mind you my WoW was corrupt and I don't know how many other programs of files might be as well. So far it's the only one. So I'm, in the process of re-installing it after uninstalling it earlier. Lengthy process because of all the patches >.<

I still have a massive list of things to do, and Kristen has said she'd like to make me a LJ layout so that's really cool.

Meh, not much going on today, off of work but gotta work 7am to 3pm tomorrow. And then 11-7 Wednesday and Thursday.
Meh it'll all work out.

Getting back into the grind of working all the time (on my feet) will be difficult but I'm sure I'll adapt eventually.

So more of that writing thing, and as I figure out LJ I'll make things fancy smancy too.
Ta.

I'm down to my last dollar, I've walked right through my shoes.
Just a small reminder of the hell I've gone through.
But look at me smiling because I'm wondering what I'll do.
But since I ain't got nothing, I got nothing to lose...

It's amazing what the words of a song can do to inspire someone to begin a new in life.

I spent easter at my parents, at least the dinner portion and I know a lot of things that are going on seem rough right now but really the song is right...

So, I had today off and it was nice to be able to sleep in. I'm off tomorrow too and hopefully after sleeping in I'll get some graphics for MiD done and I'll get the redesign of LadyPSerenity.Com done. That's where I plan on making my Live Journal show up.

I like having my user name as a domain but I want to make it also where my journal displays. Live Journal has always been very confusing to me to use, and I'm hoping I can figure this out from here.
I'm sure I can always bug Kristen to give me a hand if I screw it all up, she understands this journal system thing.

I've gotten back into my role playing again. Mia has helped a lot with that. Mia has been great with me, we've become really good friends, but the stress that's been going on has been getting me to avoid a lot of my responsibilities as I don't want anything to do with them right now, I just want to be able to finish one task at a time and start feeling like I'm accomplishing shit instead of it always piling up.

One of the biggest changes that's coming is moving. I'm moving back into the city and finding a place of my own. No roommates or anything just a one bedroom apartment for me. Maybe down the road I'll find a place to live with a friend or something but both my friends that still live at home aren't willing to move just yet. I want to be out and on my own by the end of May or June.
So I can be free of about 75% of my stress.

Stupidly I forgot someone's birthday but he probably wasn't expecting me to remember it anyway... But if on the odd chance he reads this or something Happy Birthday Aaron. >.< And I'm sorry.

As the Icon says, There is a Light at the end of the Tunnel. Now my hope is that it's not a Train.

So since the last time I've updated this a lot of things have changed in my life, enough that it's really time I start putting forth the effort to express myself the way I've never expressed myself, the way I NEED to express myself.
There's a lot of things that can be said about taking the time to just write out what's on your mind and explaining why it's there. Sometimes you'll find the answer to your problems, the strength you thought you lost and the way that was always right before you.
With this hope in mind I look back over the past few weeks and begin my own expressions.

I can't say for sure that I know what is going on in my life and why things just seem to go this way. Maybe it's a reminder that nothing in life is ever free. I mean working for my dad I've always had the ability to do whatever the hell I wanted to do. Which meant my websites usually got a few updates here and there, and more often then not I was online talking to people and completing tasks I normally didn't complete when I worked at McDonalds. However it wasn't why I was paid by them.
(Hell half the time I wasn't paid because there was no money in the company.)
Near the end I stopped being able to do a lot of the things I used to do. Graphics became annoying to think of, and writing became a chore. Both things I've loved since I started.
Everything came crashing to an end just recently, and I've found myself back at McDonalds a place where stress runs high and you work with kids, half of which have no work ethic whatso ever. They show up late, don't show up at all... and disrespect anyone in a position of authority.

There are good parts, I am on the way to Assistant Manager, I work with friends and don't spend my days talking to the wall rather than to people. I do get an active enviroment and my work is appreciated not ignored.
The bonuses somehow still don't outweigh the stress, the anger from the situations that arose and they don't make up for the feeling that this is my career and it's not just a job...
Someday I'll figure everything out... till then. -shrug-

I just get the overall feeling I'm not being productive. My MistyIce Designs.Com website is displaying this lack of productivity as I haven't updated in well over half a month. I've just not had time to sit there and fuss with graphics. I want to, believe me I want to do some graphics but I just don't have the time to. =/ My mind isn't focused on it.

When I look at my to-do list it isn't very long but I've been told it's too much. I always seem to do this, start something and never finish it. I just wish there was a routine out there that I could start to follow. Everything I'm hoping for isn't coming together. Struggling to make everything work and struggling to make ends meet. It's not going over so hot.

Right now I'm at work, I want to think of things to continue to work on and things to manipulate and make work but my mind is focused elsewhere. Random places, never anywhere useful.

I start work at McDonalds again this month. Start with a BC shift... I'm assuming that's 5am-1pm... but it could be 5:30am to 1:30pm. Whichever. It takes me an hour and a half to get to the store which means long drives but I'd rather work with people I like and know. If needed I'm going to work to become a second assistant, but I really need to sit down and talk to Kirsten all about everything. I'm not sure what is going on here, and I happen to like working here with my dad.
Sure the days go by slow, I have a boss I hate and there is never anything to really do. But it's a short drive from work, I get all holidays off, and I don't work nights or weekends.
I'm just not sure of anything. I want to work at Mcdonalds for the steady pay check... that was always nice, I want to work there for being with my friends.
Fallowfield doesn't need managers right now. I've been told. Or I'd talk to J too, I liked working with her and the crew there. Probably out of all the stores I worked in Fallowfield was my favorite.
All in all, I'm scared of all of this.

Kirsten's crew and I didn't get along very well, they were slackers the time I met them. My biggest problem was the most vocal one. "Walker" they call her. She liked to roll eyes and do nothing. Jenn says she's a lot better now and they're all friends and stuff but I don't know. I'm actually scared of working with her.
Jenn is giving me hell for walking on her turf, but I just don't know.

Everything is up in the air right now and part of me wishes I was going back to fallowfield, at least I was comfortable with the crew there. I'm not even comfortable with the managers at this new store, I remember them most from the time they were on the phone with me, yelling at me to fix something.
I'm not going back to help Kirsten this time - Though it is helpful I'm hearing. I'm going because I need to, I need to get the money. While going to Kemptville would have made the most sense, I can't stand T, plain and simple. If you can't stand your store manager then there is nothing to look forward to.

Kinda wish Kirsten was working the first shift with me, instead of Raul. But I'll have to take what I get... and hope for the best.

Nothing ever starts off on the right foot... I just want some things to be more certain in my life.

Not that it's a big deal but I've been a bit to busy to really post anything here for the last little while. While I'm suppose to be at the office this morning I'm glad to say I had a doctors appointment and that I don't have to be there just yet. Bad news, I have to work upstairs with Eldon hovering over me today.
Thankfully just for today.

So I'm not looking forward to going into work in fact I'm dreading it. Dreading it more than I can say.

If he was just loosen up on people and chill out some it'd be a lot easier to work. I learned while working at Mcdonalds it doesn't benefit anyone if you're a hard ass. Your employees won't want to work for you and thus you'll be screwed anyway.

I've been up since 3;30am and I really really want to go back to sleep but I can't. I have to go to work.

Anyway, test results in - I'm not dying.

w00t.

So last night was... hard. My nightmares yea... that was just uncool.
I mean normally I don't dream but last night I had some pretty vivid nightmares. One of them was at my parents place and there was three kids and one of them shot out the basement window, three silenced bullets, and then slid in through the window.
I saw him doing it because it was the basement window under my room at my parents and I saw them. I told my dad and he saw them, but he said "No they aren't here to hurt us, one of them works at the hospital." We argued all rather surreal. I kept telling him just because the guy worked at the hospital didn't mean he wouldn't kill someone.
Though I never saw my brother Brandon, in the dream I was aware my brother's bedroom was in the basement.
The next thing I remember is taking a guy with me and jumping out my bedroom window. We popped the screen out and jumped down, and ran. Running for our neighbors house where we called the police.
I woke up at this point so I don't know what happened.
After staring at the darkness a bit I guess I fell back asleep. And another nightmare came. This one a little different. I was in my current residence, there was the shape of a man in the window. I saw him standing there and then there was a knock on the window. I was petrified as I watched him trying to pry the window open next, so I crawled out of bed and then ran out of my room. It was 4:45am, and my brother Mike was up. I told him about the guy, like in most nightmares I couldn't scream I couldn't call for help I was mute. So I was tugging on his sleeve and pointing at the window in my room.
He saw it and said "Shit" and then grabbed one of his golf clubs. Again I woke up.
It was just... not pleasant. I know I spent a good portion of time awake after waking up that time. I didn't want to go back to sleep as I didn't want the nightmares.

Anyway today is day one of the three day weekend of which I need to get myself to finish some tasks.
I need to -finish- some things so that I can get started on other things that I want to do. I want to get into the habit of actually completing some stuff. It's irking me that I haven't finished editing JIS. That I haven't finished the AFAG CCG cards.
That I haven't finished working on styles for Frantic Writer, that I haven't even really started editing SSWars' story.
It bothers me a whole lot that things aren't done and are left in a half finished state. I want to actually do something and finish it. I guess in a way I just lose motivation at some point. >.<

Let's see what I can do.

Despite going to bed at a fairly decent time, waking up in the middle of the night as per usual and falling back to sleep after easily I'm sleepy.
The good news, this is a long weekend. I'm off on Monday, as it's "Victoria Day" Monday and that means paid leave! w00t.
I need the holiday my mind isn't ready to go without it.
Funny part is our long weekend is this weekend, the American's long weekend is next weekend. So I don't co-ordinate with anyone on it. ;_;
Meh, I'll live I'm sure.

Just means I'll have to lurk in the chat or something.

CSI had it's season finale last night. It was sooooo good cept for the fact that Ellie needs to be decked. I don't care if she's 'troubled' or anything like that. When her dad is down on the table dying, and she calls the police department to find out if she's the beneficiary of her dad's pension instead of being there with her dad it's just wrong.

Then when she's there and her dad almost dies she grips Grissom's sleeve and then LEAVES bitch LEAVES when her dad survives. You don't see her again.

It was the ending that caught my attention so sharply though. Where Grissom talks about dying. He talks about how he wants to die, and says he'd rather not go in his sleep or suddenly he much rather go slowly dying of some disease. He says he'd like to die of Cancer so he would have time to say goodbye to his loved ones.
The scene does this sort of spin focused on him during the conversation and you see in the background a woman in a robe walking towards him, then you see Sarah. What a well done ending.

In an attempt to read between the lines for the entire episode I came away with this.

Life's short, you never know when it could be snatched right away from you. (Brass being shot) You have to take what you can in life and tell people how you feel about them. (We've watched Sarah and Grissom from almost the beginning in this hidden love relationship. Where Sarah is very open with the fact she loves Grissom, but Grissom isn't open with the fact he does love Sarah, he never says it but in the end you see them away on a vacation together you know they are.)

I dunno. I took the moral and found myself thinking about it. The ending was genious, pure genious, and I'm SO happy Brass didn't die. If he did I'd have cried. Though I imagine we'll see development with Ellie next season.

In terms of the Will and Grace Finale, Show Finale. I missed the ending. I was channel flipping back and forth but of course CSI won the toss up for development and hard hitting storyline.
Will and Grace while funny (the "Say Goodnight Gracie" special was MUCH more Funny) it did a lot of things that just didn't hold my attention. You start off with Leo coming back and then you move two years. I'm a little confused as to where both children came from, but that could be because I missed most of the final season. (Mind you you also have the Jack and Karen stuff, which is always funny because Karen and Jack are usually ALWAYS hilarious)
Then you move more years... I'm not sure how many maybe it was said when I was flipping channels, I imagine another 18 or something... And you have Ben and Lilah in college - Paralleling Will and Grace. At this point, the show lost my attention and I flipped to CSI, and so I didn't turn back. I mean I'd love to know what happened in the end all, but as it is right now, I don't know. Maybe I can find the episode and download it or something.

Anyway it goes, I had a busy night last night of flipping channels and just enjoying television, something I rarely do.

Oh oh oh! I came up with the next plot idea for my RP, annd I managed to get two Character Cards done for the AFAG CCG

But I plan on getting a lot done this weekend. I'm going to make a to-do list and just cross things off of it as they get finished. HOPEFULLY this will work.
<3 Maybe I'll post the list here so people can laugh at how much I take on at one time and how often I don't get it all finished. ;_;

Just figured I'd do this because it was kind of a neat idea to reflect back on things. Ah reflections. Never regret the past, learn from it.

EVERYONE HAS THEIR FIRSTS:

First real best friend: Lisa Haug

First school: Merrickville Public School

First kiss: Brenden Ladeceur - Someone I lost and wish dearly I could find again.

First Boyfriend: Brenden Ladeceur - I was so young ;_;

First Love: Love is a difficult term to describe, but if I had to say it, it'd have been Brenden Ladeceur.

First cell phone: The big pay as you go Motorola with Bell.

First funeral: My Grandpa Selkirk

First pet: Maxine (We just called her Max cuz we thought he was a she till she started laying eggs. Crazy bird.)

First piercing/tattoo: My ears... can't remember when it was done.

First big trip: South Carolina.

First flight: Grade Six, moved to BC. heh.

First celebrity love: I dunno don't really follow Celebs so I can't say I 'loved' one. Never really crushed over any, just said "he's cute"

First time out of the country? High school project, we drove into Odensburg. But the "real" trip out would be to South Carolina.

First job: My dad's company, but the first 'real' job would be McDonalds.

First MySpace friend? I have that tom guy but also Kristen who swears she's going to show me how to use it. ;_; So I can hate it for the right reasons.


EVERYONE HAS THEIR LASTS:

Last person you hugged: My Mom ;_;

Last car ride: Driving back to the office. (Real car ride like a trip. Nova Scotia driving up the coast!)

Last time you cried? A couple of moments ago as I read an email from a friend. I'm a sad individual.

Last movie you watched: Lord of the Rings - Return of the King

Last person of the opposite sex that you talked to: Zach through Email. Aarong through Text Messages, My dad in person.

Last shirt worn: Black quarter sleeve dress shirt.

Last phone call: Client call. Pains of answering the phones.

Last text message: Aaron

Last thing you touched: The mouse now... but if you want to go before that... the table? Maybe the door, or the steeringwheel.

Last time at the mall: ...Oh dear lord I don't remember, I don't get out.

Last time you were excited about something: A few days ago... I was excited to do a few things.

Last person you saw: My Mom

Last thing you drank: Water

Last person that broke your heart: Plead the Fifth.


In terms of my appointment at the hospital... let's just say things didn't go as they were suppose to and I have to go back again next wednesday at 8:00am in order to do it again.

I'm going to write this while it's still fresh in my mind and while I'm still thinking about it.
For those of you who have commented to me on my previous post, understand I wrote that with the emotions still bottled up. I'm not putting it to private, friends only or anything of the like. It's there because it's how I felt when that bottle cracked and everything came falling out. I'm not ashamed of letting it out, and I'm not ashamed of saying how --I-- felt. Despite the fact a lot of people believe I Was wrong. In a sense I was wrong. He's not a bad guy, he wasn't. He got hurt in this situation but at the same time I'm hurt to.
That's what happens when there is an arguement. Both sides feel they're in the right, both feel they're the victim.
Long emails with one of my other roommates has been helping we've talked a lot of things out and just generally she's been listening and helping me out. I understand I was wrong in a lot of things, but to err is to be human to forgive is divine.

Someone told me that writing things out can sometimes help a lot, and in this case I feel it did. I got a lot of things off my chest that were bothering me, and I got it out in the open where it needed to be. Turns out he does read this, and he's likely reading this right now. I'm not changing what I said because it's what I felt. I'm not hiding it nor am I softening it.
Do I feel the same today, no I feel a little insulted and a little less like a person. Is it his fault no, it's my own.

My mom use to tell me that I opened up to people a lot, and I do. I open up to them, I let them in, and I let them see who I am, inside and out. I don't hide my nature from people, I use to do that in school and it set me up for disaster then too.

Ever feel like a Jack of all trades. Someone who can do most anything but isn't good enough at any one thing to actually excell at it. I can draw, I'm just not good enough to really do it for more than just an idle amusement. I can do graphics, once again not good enough at it to really do it for more than just idle amusement. Same goes for my writing, same goes for my role playing, my ability to play games in general. For once I just want to be exceptional at something.
It's bothering me that I'm not. Hell I use to think I was good at making people happy but, I'm apparently not. Maybe I can do it for the moment but everythng usually ends up in disasters. I run into something that scares me and rather than tell the truth and work through it I lie and hide it in hopes that it'll all blow over. I'm scared of getting hurt so I lock up and in the end, get hurt anyway. Maybe I'll overcome this sometime... I can only hope before I destroy every last one of my friendships.

Right now I don't have a lot of time I have to go over to the hospital for all my tests. My mom says they'll be quick and my Mina-mom assures me everything is alright. I hope everything is alright and that it's nothing because I have enough emotional problems fucking me up I don't need some physical ones too.

Haven't eaten yet this morning so maybe my mom will want to go to lunch with me, so I can talk to her.
I need someone to talk to, and everyone around here... seems to just vanish.

My night HAD been going decent last night till I decided to try and talk to someone and find out just what the fuck was going on.
I know my answers now and it huts.
He doesn't read this either but even if he did... I don't know if I care. He fucking hurt me just by saying "I don't want to think about you."

What the hell is it with me? Why the hell do guys find me attractive when I'm -not- I don't care what my girl friends say I'm not.

There are a lot of flaws with my personae and my body and yet people become attracted to me, for some unknown reason. I can't have male friends that don't become attracted to me.
Well that's not true I have two in real life to my knowledge that have not been attracted to me, and I have three or four online that haven't been.

Online I guess it's easier they don't see me on a day to day basis and they get the backspaced comments.

I will type something, backspace it and type something nicer three or four times before it ends up with me just taking everything on.

I think what frustrated me the most was that this person didn't have the god damn balls to tell me HIMSELF that he wanted to be away from me.
It's done it's over. I made mistakes, I can't ask for forgiveness from him because he obviously doesn't want anything to do with me anymore.

Maybe if he figures it out I'll get the chance to talk to him again but he takes to long I won't be here, I've been walked on too many times. Time to develop a backbone and tell these people to just fuck off.

Despite all pretense that I was going to kick myself into high gear today, I've been nothing but lazy. Lazy lazy lazy.

I recieved a pleasant surprise last night though. I discovered by Private Message that my friend will be on tonight.
She sent it to me, without me asking for it, in all honesty I was going to let it go this week because I figured she was likely annoyed with me constantly asking her for it, but she sent it to me without me asking for it and needless to say it made me feel all happy inside.
Kinda like she actually thought about it =P I dunno. Weird.

Between that and the way things are going in my life it's been nice, but it's still a lazy day. Might have something to do with the phones. Nonstop ringing all morning. Every like five seconds the phone would ring, I'd have all the lines lighting up on me, not just one or two of them, all four.
I'm not use to it.

Bah.

So things are moving along but not as well as they could. Mostly my fault. The calendar works on Frantic Writer now, and needless to say it's a pretty calendar.

Jenn has been calling me every so often, it's so nice to have her calls. I'd call myself but as she put it... I can't. I can't call her at her work unless it's an emergency. I wanted to call her and pretend it was one and then just go "I looooooooooooooooooooooove you" lol. she'd get some sort of kick out of it and then likely beat my 'ass'.

Man I wish I had enjoyed the glory that is West Wing more... I was reading up on some of it and I just wish I hadn't lost touch with it. It's an amazing show. correction, was an amazing show.
Maybe I'll pick up the series on DVDs or something. Not likely but I'll think about it.

From Lord of the Rings to West Wing to Harry Potter! lol I'm still not at the graphic Making yet, but I'll do some. I'm thinking about them, just not doing them.

Anyway, boring stuff here, nothing interesting. Bah, ta ta.

There is so many things I wish I could do that I can't do. I mean I work hard on things but I just wish I could do more so that I wasn't such a tool when it came to things that were being done. I mean I'd love to be able to help more with things that Aaron does on Frantic Writer but the most I can do is my shotty HTML and the designs.
Which aren't even that good either.

Everything I've been working on I either love or hate and there is no in between. 90% of the time I love something other people hate it.
At least I feel that's the way it goes. >.< I don't know how it actually goes.

It's been nice to get things done but at the same time it's a pain when you get somewhere and then you realize you should have done something else and you have to start all over again.

Frantic Writer is coming along, but it's got a lot of work still to go on it and I'm horribly fearful we're not going to make the deadline.
We're working on it though, we are.

Everything is getting super busy and Anime Expo is coming sooner and sooner. Once it hits I'm going to be in dire need of that vacation, and I'm not even sure how much of a 'vacation' it'll be.

August is approaching too and it's funny I never use to plan a year out, but I am now. I'm planning things so that I can finally meet everyone I Want to meet.

Kristen and Cory are going to meet us in Cali now <3!

So now I'm down a few more people I need to abduct... unless Kristen kills me when she jumps me. Which is always fearful.

Lots to do little time to remember to do it in. I'm finally getting somewhere with the userpage of Frantic writer, with any luck it'll push me to continue on and get other things done.
However I'm -not- getting anywhere on finishing the cards, or the "Justice is Served" fiction. >.< I get started and then don't get anywhere. funny like that.

I just wish I could stop time.

First of all Happy Mother's day to my Mina-Mom <3 <3

I spent the afternoon with my mom, we just watched a movie and talked, nothing super fantastic. I came home and made dinner and had dinner while watching LOTR ROTK so I've now watched all three in one weekend.
I want to go out and buy all the Harry Potter movies so I can sit and watch them all in one sitting haha.

Doctor's appt. is this week... well the ultrasound thing is. No I'm not pregnant but I am irregular, VERY irregular.

So yea, there are things to be done and I'm sure this week is going to be as busy and as annoying as every other week is.

Nothing like peeing in a cup, and sorry if that's tmi for you.

So then, off I go. I've got things to do and never enough time to do them in.

Just been kinda lazy all day. Spent a couple hours working on Frantic Writer, and some time talking to Jenn on the phone.
She lost her wallet and found it, which is good. If it had been completely gone it would be bad... it's such a pain in the ass to get things replaced. >.<

Kinda awful weather this weekend, rain and clouds, nothing wonderful to it.

Watching Lord of the Rings right now, been craving to see them all again. Watched Fellowship first now I'm watching two towers and I'll finish off with return of the king in the morning.

So lost on things to do in order to make things different and yet enjoyable.

funny how I love a movie so much but I'll mute parts of it. Can't stand most of the parts with Gollum, he starts and I just wanna cry so I mute it and ignore it.
Almost over though and then the mute comes off.
Late though dunno if I'll make it through all of this one before I go to bed.

Meh anyway <3 Need to check the scores in the hockey games.

So last night was nice, cuz I got to RPish!
lol I was eager to get into the next part of the story, I still am. I could like so totally talk about what's going to happen, and stuff but still gotta be cautious.

I find it funny though, I'm working on so many things at once, but for the past little while, I've been happy. It's nice to feel like I do lately. Even though I still have a lot of things to worry about, I'm generally content with things going on.

Anyway, I'm not even close to where I wanted to be with JIS by this point. But I will get it done, and I will get it posted. Though I'm going to have to think about what to do. I've a very funny feeling it might get closed because it's too sexual. I don't know though. We'll see what happens. I don't think it's that bad, I've seen worse in Vampire books and most things out there, hell I've seen worse in rational poems, but I don't know.

I have a few things to do today, working on JIS, developing this SSWars, as the next part of SSWars -should- end with the government crumbling for the most part. Kyle should be taking the leadership and having to rebuild. The parts after are meant to be militias and their attempts to destroy things even more.

Brother's birthday party is tonight, he says thanks to everyone who wished him a Happy Birthday.

I'm going to try and do some graphics and stuff but it's not as high on the priority list as I have a lot of things to do and even some things for Frantic Writer. Gotta find Mood Icons, anyone know where I can find some good sets?

Anyway, despite my rather good mood set, I had a really bizarre bad dream.

Starts off almost the same way the night did. Kytti signed on, I wasn't expecting her, I kind of hoped because she hadn't replied to my PM that she would sign on. Everything is good we're playing the game and then there is something that goes wrong, felt almost surreal. She's in trouble and I don't know what's wrong. Suddenly everything changes. The game becomes almost real. Life like.

The characters aren't just characters, we're playing the game but we're playing with real people, the idea of 'gods' playing with human lives. It's strange it's my mom's house. Literally I'm seeing my mom's house. She's in the kitchen cooking. Kytti is in the living room crouched down behind the wall. I'm across the hall from the character Kyle. Kytti's character Chasidy is there, but not as prominant.
There is a resounding gunshot, it's gotta be high powered or something as it goes through a window then through the wall and through and through on Kyle's neck. He drops and there is panic.
Then almost as if we have the scene wrong, it plays again only with a slight differences.
My mom was baking. I just don't know really.

This'll sound weird but I think I mentioned it to you, I don't remember my dreams often, sometimes they're my inspirations for writing, other times they're almost like warnings. Before I was in the car accident I use to have a dream of being the driver in a car, or seeing through the eyes of the driver and then being rear ended, however I couldn't tell if I was the one rear ending someone or they were rear ending me. I just know that I would wake up with it and it'd happen often. I thought it was Kytti that I was seeing in trouble. Because the car I described was a lot like William's car apparently. But when I was driving I'd get the feeling of being hit, being thrown forward and my vision would blur momentarily and I'd have to shake my head. It's gone. I don't get it anymore, the dreams and the feeling it's all gone, been gone since I was rear ended.

This one is the same, it's not the first time I've had a dream like this, and this time I'm actually SEEING Kytti but once again I'm not seeing me, I'm assuming it's me because of the perspective I have.

I don't know, I mean it could be part of the fact I watch violent shows and I play a violent game. But I just get this bad feeling when it happens. I still can close my eyes and see the bullet, I see the wall breaking apart. I see my mom standing and backing, I see a yellow spatula. It's just... weird. I dunno I think maybe I'm crazy.

Sorry about the title but I guess in a way it makes some sense. I'm not giving two shits about the bad anymore and just dealing with it.

I'm spending more time giggling. It's all good when life is handled like that.
So I redesigned my website yesterday, didn't like it, or more so didn't like the colors and so I changed it. Now I have a new design for the website. Well actually I have a new color scheme for the same layout idea with a few twists added in heh.
Misty Ice Designs working on it really, hoping to get some feedback this time around.

I've been really proud lately. See every so often we do this check, and we go to all the referrers of MiD and we check what their stats are. We like to see where people are coming from and it's always great to go to a forum link and see "Oh you need html help, check out http://www.mistyicedesigns.com" that just makes me giggle.

We don't see much 'credit' in the form of "I used their graphics" and the layouts. >.< I do find people removing the credit from the layouts, all the time.
However if I was to sit there and black list everyone it'd be a waste of my efforts right now. I email them and ask them to put it back up, 99.9% of the time it's done.

The most discouraging part of doing this run through the logs is finding the people who steal the bandwidth. Now we have a protection for this, if someone tries to do it they get this:



Which isn't to pleasant for them, I would assume, I mean I'd be a little embarassed to have that front row center on my page. Really it's not that hard to "Right click and save"

I don't really care if it's on your webspace, but when it's on mine and I'm paying for it ;_; I'm not an image host.

That's not the point of this though.

So as I've been saying, seeing the links, that's amazing. Thank you Jules for some of it ~_^ Saw it on Moon Princess . Org's forums ^_^ We see evvvvverything. xD At least I wish I did.
lol

Oh, I've been working on Justice is Served, Lisa and Usa would know what I'm talking about. It's going to be much better this time around, much much better, I know where I'm going with it and I'm going to tie some loose ends together to even hopefully explain why they were protecting Avianna and not just having her go into hiding heh.
There is a lot I want to get done and I can satisfyingly say I'm getting it done. When Justice is Served if finished being edited I'm going to pray I caught all the curse words and everything and then I'm going to post it on Anime Forum. Though it's content is a little 'adult' it's not enough to be not allowed. Its suggestion isn't full out sexual, more like the idea of sexual is there but doesn't detail.
At least I edited out the details part. Aaron told me I wrote smut! ;_;
And I had to look the word up on wikipedia.org
Wikipedia is your friend ;_;

Now I just need to finish up a few things, comments script needs it's CSS adjusted, the story needs more revisions. (Only on chapter 6 and there are 10 more chapters after that. The chapters only get worse as time goes on >.< Dear lord I was on crack when I wrote it.)

Anyway lots of <3s time to get to work!

So I didn't have anything to say yesterday, and the day before really and I figured it'd be cool to just skip a couple update in the journal and just update today.

You know it's been just over four months and I still have dreams about the car accident. I remember the words that people said and I remember the feeling, most of all I remember the feeling.

It at times will keep me up at night especially when I think on the aftermath of it all. My mom is still not back to doing what she use to do, she can't. We had to hire someone this year to come and prep the gardens for her, I Can't do it because I just don't have the patience or the "green thumbs" that she does. I'd screw a lot up, so I couldn't, makes me sad.

I didn't weed my gardens this weekend =/ It rained saturday and it was just too cold for me to do it Sunday. I'm going to do it either tonight or sometime this week, as it needs it. The weeds grow faster than the plants.
Last night was the admin meeting, they sent me to bed when it reached 11:30pm

Unfortunately that meant I did get to finish editing the story, when I was asking a few questions of the Moderator of Fanfiction I never got definite answers, so I'm just going with what is my best guess.

I've only managed to get to the end of Chapter Two and a bit of the way into Chapter three in terms of editing, they told me not to post it till it was completed as it'd be more beneficial.

I wanted to see how bad it got, and I read to the end of it... dear lord.

I wrote the story about two years ago and so I find that I have a bit of issues with it. While I would love to post SSWars I couldn't edit it to the point that it would need to be edited for. Which would require me removing all curse words (The characters curse a lot and in different languages too) as well as the sexual acts, which basically is vague and I was told vague was alright, I mean they don't 'discuss' it, it's mostly assumed it happened. The story is violent though and SSWars deals with rape.

So yea, I'm editing "Justice is Served" and if it goes over well I'll post up "Justice is Served: Imperfect View" if I ever finish it. SSWars will have to remain where it is, which is placed back until I can post it on Frantic Writer. I also have other short stories I can post, one is a romance, that needs some editing and another is just a simple story. Then again JiS can be classified as a Romance too. haha.

Kinda excited to get it all done. Anyway, I'll get back to editing, I'm super hoping to be able to post this by the end of tomorrow at the latest. I'd post what I have edited now but like I said they told me to post it all at once because it is a completed fiction. We'll see how many people read it though, it's over a hundred pages long ^_^; typed, size ten font.
Doesn't beat SSWars which is over 400 pages long typed. Size ten font... no funky spacing like I do in my journal.

Well some. ;_;

Anyway, back to work with me. <3